More than my share (a fragment for my brother)

12/07/2015 § Leave a comment

Either Ive been a dick all these years,

or theres something to what Ive been saying

that could open up a huge can of worms for you

that you wont want to open

not even a little.

So you dont dare even acknowledge that I have a message,

which means you must bombard me with allegations

that Im a total nutcase.

which you can do,

especially because a lot of groundwork in this area

has been prepared by our mother

who is the real nutcase

and the real

can-o-worms

that youd do anything not to touch.

Period.

Problem is,

I’ve already opened it

I opened it a long time ago

so the more toxic she becomes

the more you have to blame me.

And why do I need to stick around for that shit?

I’m not some superhero who can absorb

an endless amount of blame

from the whole fambly

for the worms crawling

in and out of mother’s can,

which is what you want of me.

But absorbing all that blame

won’t stop the creeping wormies

tho it might drive me to an explosion

of Hulkian rage

which can then be used to justify all the blame.

No, I stay away,

and you can nutcase me from afar

which is something I can handle

because ultimately its you

and not me

who has to eat the worms

from her can,

because Ive already eaten

more than my share.

Note: written on November 8, 2015, I have since Skyped with Brother-mine and it went well. I internalized the boundaries I needed observed, and kept him to them strictly without fussing about it.  His sons are 23 and 26, who I last saw when they were 8 and 11, we’ve lost a lot of time. There’s someone in him who I still love.  My oracle, the I Ching, said that by calling him and maintaining boundaries, I had won a “Possession in Great Measure.”

 

 

Quantum Leap Journal #14, 5/20/14

06/08/2014 § 1 Comment

The Man in the Mirror 5/20/14

Everybody I know is doing better than me!
that I follow.
that I watch
that I read about
that I collect business cards from.
that I network with
How do they all see me? 
Best not to think about it
Its a mirror easily mishandled.  « Read the rest of this entry »

Never a Time

01/12/2014 § 5 Comments

For the last six months, I’ve been writing the words, *There was never a time*– just that — on napkins and notepage headers. I tried and tried but couldnt get the words out. Yesterday morning the words came out. Ursula K.Le Guin calls this effect the bung-puller, like a cork that won’t come out from the bottle and until it finally bursts out explosively spewing wet fizzy all over the place.

There never was a time it could have been prevented.
There never was a time you could have changed your fate.
She acted mechanically. She lived as if her path were cast in iron.
Only once long ago did she make all her choices.
Before you ever arrived:

« Read the rest of this entry »

New Years Resolution: Moving On

12/31/2013 § Leave a comment

This one is for my siblings, who will hate me no matter what I do:

I want you to see what you wont see,
but you wont see it.
I want to leave you understanding,
but you wont understand it.
I want to leave with things resolved,
but you wont resolve anything.
You remain ignorant,
for which you blame me.
So I leave you ignorant and hateful.
in your own filth,
as I clean it off my self.
« Read the rest of this entry »

Mission Report

04/02/2013 § 6 Comments

Image

I came to Earth to check on its health and I got stuck here.
I am unable to contact my Galactic Community.
The family I bonded with genetically on Earth was extremely damaged by religious prejudice and had lost their way.
I offered to help them but had underestimated the extent of their damage.
They used my natural receptivity to collect and warehouse their persecution trauma rather than to overcome it.
I have spent most of this lifetime reliving the worst part of their people’s history.
I have discovered why the humans are destroying themselves, but have not attained sufficient control of this body to establish meaningful contact.
I learned that successful root penetration with the Earth’s protein network or Protosphere increases the more I distance myself from my biological progenitors.
This process has physically relocated me to a region that has received virtually no influence from my genetic ancestry.
It is here on a volcanic shelf flanking the Earth’s largest land mass that I am finding sufficient traction to integrate my Galactic mind, physical body and geophysical heart.
Apparently I have had to forget why I am doing this in order to reintegrate at a higher level with the planetary matrix..
Meanwhile, the legendary and mythical planet Earth is reaching a saturation level of humanoid proliferation hosting a wide variety of alien colonizers with irreconcilable policies about utilizing the earth.
Widespread desertification and specicide is at the tipping point, activating the Planetary Heart to awaken to a forced maturity.
If you want to know who I am, I am the Living Earth awakening into a mammalian humanoid body, and having a rough time of it.

Where Am I?

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