09/27/2015 § 1 Comment
This is the first post Ive entered in almost a year. I dont know what I’m going to say. I used to believe that I was a very open, honest and sincere person, but the person I thought I was, it turns out, was a contrivance. My real self has been trapped inside a fishbowl inside my mind. I was finally freed from it a year ago. .I no longer have any idea who I am.
I live in the same house, I wear the same clothes, I have the same scant career, the same poverty. Its whats interior that has changed.
I made “sacred vows” to myself three times in the course of my life. I vowed to find and overcome the source of some great dissatisfaction when I was 12, then again when I was 18, and again at 32, For the past 4 years I’ve had the answers. Last month I turned 60. I begin my 6th decade starting all over again from scratch.
4 years ago, I discovered that my mother was/is a Narcissist of epic proportions; that she set up our family to attack each other in order to protect herself; and that she made me her private decoy at a very young age so that any criticism of her would always stick on me instead. Finally, I discovered that I too am a Narcissist. « Read the rest of this entry »
01/27/2014 § 1 Comment
Just before Christmas, I had a significant realization about my Narcissistic Mom that has changed how I think about everything.
It starts with a thought in response to the book/movie *The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.* Here*s this woman who is being sexually toyed with by her parole officer, so she brings to her next appointment a surveillance camera hidden in a bag she carries. He loses his moral compass and all-out rapes her, but she’s got it all on video. So she comes back to his place late at night, hogties him with cables and pullies, sodomizes him with a dildo, tattoos *I am a pervert and rapist* crudely on his chest, and then shows him the video and blackmails him.
Question: does he get the message? What do you think?
01/02/2014 § 1 Comment
Along the pathless path, there are incidents that prepare us for the unseen.
1987; I was living in New England. I looked for a place to rent and chanced upon a beautiful farmhouse ten minutes out of town. A bit pricey but it had 4 bedrooms and if I found 2 or 3 more renters I could afford it. Right away, a beautiful redhead with a calico cat came on board, and we ate our dinners together. « Read the rest of this entry »