Out of the Fishbowl: My life as Narcissist 2.0

09/27/2015 § 1 Comment

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This is the first post Ive entered in almost a year.  I dont know what I’m going to say.  I used to believe that I was a very open, honest and sincere person, but the person I thought I was, it turns out, was a contrivance. My real self has been trapped inside a fishbowl inside my mind.  I was finally freed from it a year ago. .I no longer have any idea who I am.

I live in the same house, I wear the same clothes, I have the same scant career, the same poverty.  Its whats interior that has changed.

I made “sacred vows” to myself three times in the course of my life.  I vowed to find and overcome the source of some great dissatisfaction when I was 12, then again when I was 18, and again at 32,  For the past 4 years I’ve had the answers. Last month I turned 60. I begin my 6th decade starting all over again from scratch.

4 years ago, I discovered that my mother was/is a Narcissist of epic proportions; that she set up our family to attack each other in order to protect herself; and that she made me her private decoy at a very young age so that any criticism of her would always stick on me instead.  Finally, I discovered that I too am a Narcissist.    « Read the rest of this entry »

Asleep at the Wheel!

01/27/2014 § 1 Comment

Just before Christmas, I had  a significant realization about my Narcissistic Mom that has changed how I think about everything. 

It starts with a thought in response to the book/movie *The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.*  Here*s this woman who is being sexually toyed with by her parole officer, so she brings to her next appointment a surveillance camera hidden in a bag she carries.  He loses his moral compass and all-out rapes her, but she’s got it all on video.  So she comes back to his place late at night, hogties him with cables and pullies, sodomizes him with a dildo, tattoos *I am a pervert and rapist* crudely on his chest, and  then shows him the video and blackmails him.

Question: does he get the message?  What do you think?

« Read the rest of this entry »

Anyone Might Be Crazy: a Parable.

01/02/2014 § 1 Comment

Along the pathless path, there are incidents that prepare us for the unseen.

1987; I was living in New England. I looked for a place to rent and chanced upon a beautiful farmhouse ten minutes out of town.  A bit pricey but it had 4 bedrooms and if I found 2 or 3 more renters I could afford it.  Right away, a beautiful redhead with a calico cat came on board, and we ate our dinners together. « Read the rest of this entry »

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