More than my share (a fragment for my brother)

12/07/2015 § Leave a comment

Either Ive been a dick all these years,

or theres something to what Ive been saying

that could open up a huge can of worms for you

that you wont want to open

not even a little.

So you dont dare even acknowledge that I have a message,

which means you must bombard me with allegations

that Im a total nutcase.

which you can do,

especially because a lot of groundwork in this area

has been prepared by our mother

who is the real nutcase

and the real

can-o-worms

that youd do anything not to touch.

Period.

Problem is,

I’ve already opened it

I opened it a long time ago

so the more toxic she becomes

the more you have to blame me.

And why do I need to stick around for that shit?

I’m not some superhero who can absorb

an endless amount of blame

from the whole fambly

for the worms crawling

in and out of mother’s can,

which is what you want of me.

But absorbing all that blame

won’t stop the creeping wormies

tho it might drive me to an explosion

of Hulkian rage

which can then be used to justify all the blame.

No, I stay away,

and you can nutcase me from afar

which is something I can handle

because ultimately its you

and not me

who has to eat the worms

from her can,

because Ive already eaten

more than my share.

Note: written on November 8, 2015, I have since Skyped with Brother-mine and it went well. I internalized the boundaries I needed observed, and kept him to them strictly without fussing about it.  His sons are 23 and 26, who I last saw when they were 8 and 11, we’ve lost a lot of time. There’s someone in him who I still love.  My oracle, the I Ching, said that by calling him and maintaining boundaries, I had won a “Possession in Great Measure.”

 

 

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