More than my share (a fragment for my brother)
12/07/2015 § Leave a comment
Either Ive been a dick all these years,
or theres something to what Ive been saying
that could open up a huge can of worms for you
that you wont want to open
not even a little.
So you dont dare even acknowledge that I have a message,
which means you must bombard me with allegations
that Im a total nutcase.
which you can do,
especially because a lot of groundwork in this area
has been prepared by our mother
who is the real nutcase
and the real
that youd do anything not to touch.
I’ve already opened it
I opened it a long time ago
so the more toxic she becomes
the more you have to blame me.
And why do I need to stick around for that shit?
I’m not some superhero who can absorb
an endless amount of blame
from the whole fambly
for the worms crawling
in and out of mother’s can,
which is what you want of me.
But absorbing all that blame
won’t stop the creeping wormies
tho it might drive me to an explosion
of Hulkian rage
which can then be used to justify all the blame.
No, I stay away,
and you can nutcase me from afar
which is something I can handle
because ultimately its you
and not me
who has to eat the worms
from her can,
because Ive already eaten
more than my share.
Note: written on November 8, 2015, I have since Skyped with Brother-mine and it went well. I internalized the boundaries I needed observed, and kept him to them strictly without fussing about it. His sons are 23 and 26, who I last saw when they were 8 and 11, we’ve lost a lot of time. There’s someone in him who I still love. My oracle, the I Ching, said that by calling him and maintaining boundaries, I had won a “Possession in Great Measure.”