The Quantum Leap Journal #15; 5/22/14
06/07/2014 § Leave a comment
Darkening of the Light 5/22/14
Continued: Now it gets hard. I woke up yesterday morning with a new job. today I wake up without one again. What the hell did they find in my records?
I decide to go forward as if I never went to the interview. Just keep searching the way I had before.
But I couldnt. I was frozen.
It wasnt just dumb luck. It wasnt just divine intervention to keep from starting a job that I was going to hate.
There was something bad in my records that caused them to pull me out. What the hell was it?
Whatever it was, I failed again. Again! I keep telling myself my fucking-up days are over. Theyre not over! I’ll always be a fuck up. And this time, I’m not going to get my visa extended, and I’m going to have to go back to America. With only just enough money for plane fare. No savings, no home to go to– I’m in No Contact with my family– no job prospects. Oh, this is the beginning of the long slippery downhill slope. My big decline has begun.
Oh, this is going to be painful.
This was a hard, dark week. But I went through a dark passage and came out the other side.