Quantum Leap Journal #20: Taking the Leap! 6/4/14

Taking the Leap 6/11/2014

Let’s see, going back a ways;
THURSDAY 5TH: I got a text message from Berlitz that I didnt get the job, and a return call from RRR asking if I could schedule an interview the next day?
FRIDAY 6TH: I went in the pouring rain and had a fairly good interview that ended ambiguously at the end of the day, I get a text message from a neighbouring prefecture’s office for a Skype interview Monday morning.
MONDAY 9TH: Ive got the job.
TUESDAY 10TH: I dont got the job.

Quantum Leap Journal #14, 5/20/14

The Man in the Mirror 5/20/14

Everybody I know is doing better than me!
that I follow.
that I watch
that I read about
that I collect business cards from.
that I network with
How do they all see me? 
Best not to think about it
Its a mirror easily mishandled. 

Quantum Leap Journal # 18, 5/26/14

The Language Whores 5/26/14

Not my students, not them! They’re great!  
I’ve kept two students for 4 years now, since June 2010, and I see them every Monday night in Chiba City about 30 minutes away by train.  They are doctors at the university hospital, in the Hematology/Leukemia Department.  They are national leaders.  I feel intimidated by them, they are younger than me, but so much more accomplished.  Yet they have told me directly that I’m the best English Teacher they ever had.  Its something to feel proud about.

Last class, Ch____ lamented that he still had trouble listening to English speakers despite all the advances he’d made.  We talked about it.  

Quantum Leap Journal #13 5/20/14

Hired and Fired in 2 days (from my personal diary) 5/20/14

It just keeps getting worse and worse, dont it?  Im always several steps behind my baser affects. 

Two thoughts; two items:1) Now I know my records at M___ Elementary School are tainted.  What with?  It might be very hard to get hired without Divine Intervention. But, maybe its a good thing it was exposed and now I know about it. 

2) By going through the orientation at F____ Board of Education, I realized that I really didnt want to work there again, but felt like I had no other choice– I couldnt fool around with the visa sponsorship.  But this whole set-up sucks.  They called me in at the last minute, and gave me no time–, not even one night– to think about it.  They had a shotgun to my head with a visa dangling in front of me.  How did I get into this?  

A friend texted to me about this, “See, I told you [that company] was evil!”

Working again for this school system would have made for a miserable 10 months.  The Japanese Coordinators (JC) call the shots; the curriculum they write is heavy with English mistakes but sacrosanct to them, they only want pronunciation assistance and power drilling from the Assistant Language Teachers (ALTs); no grammar, no vocabulary–, that’s what the JCs are for; and they want no disagreement between the ALT and JC.  

Looking back at my work 3 years ago there, I was a naive wreck.  I simply didnt get it that the Japanese want the Japanese-English Pidjin Language that they invented, and not the real language I teach.  Any attempts on my part to change their agenda was destined to blow up in my face.  The job I had after that was just the same. Boy did I blow it the last time. 

I’m going to have to start looking for Plan B options more seriously.  I may not get my visa.   

Quantum Leap Journal #19, 5/28/14

The F%&$ing Passport Expired! 5/28/14
I sent off a resume to Berlitz on the 23rd, a Friday, and on the 26th, a Monday, I got a reply with a long application form. On Tuesday I was feeling paralyzed by doubts I could pull this off, with my history of losing my temper, so I took time off for a guided meditation to renew my spirit. On Wednesday morning, I began working on the Berlitz application and cover letters for other job offerings.

The application for Berlitz asked for the expiration date of my passport. What, 2016? I spun around to my desk and pulled the passport out, and blinked twice. It said, April 24th, 2013. I stared at it, my heart pounding. It said, SEE PAGE 27.

Quantum Leap Journal #16, 5/24/14

Loathsome Creature 5/24/4
The days just keep flip-flopping and getting more intense. If I don’t have a visa sponsor in 3 weeks, I fall through the cracks between Japan and the U.S. I’m terrified.

I think I know why the Agency killed the job after they gave it to me.

The Quantum Leap Journal #15; 5/22/14

Darkening of the Light 5/22/14

Continued: Now it gets hard. I woke up yesterday morning with a new job. today I wake up without one again. What the hell did they find in my records?
I decide to go forward as if I never went to the interview. Just keep searching the way I had before.
But I couldnt. I was frozen.
It wasnt just dumb luck. It wasnt just divine intervention to keep from starting a job that I was going to hate.
There was something bad in my records that caused them to pull me out. What the hell was it?
Whatever it was, I failed again. Again! I keep telling myself my fucking-up days are over. Theyre not over! I’ll always be a fuck up. And this time, I’m not going to get my visa extended, and I’m going to have to go back to America. With only just enough money for plane fare. No savings, no home to go to– I’m in No Contact with my family– no job prospects. Oh, this is the beginning of the long slippery downhill slope. My big decline has begun.
Oh, this is going to be painful.
This was a hard, dark week. But I went through a dark passage and came out the other side.