The Quantum Leap Journal #7; 5/9/14

05/11/2014 § Leave a comment

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I can’t tell my friends about my job search because this isnt your normal job search.

I’m using everything Ive got to pull a broken life together.  I dont need to explain my personal limitations and shortcomings to mere acquaintances and fair-weather friends who invariably think I’m just making excuses for myself. 
I’m applying spiritual processes to overcome these shortcomings so as to acquire not just the least acceptable job — like the one I just had — but one that I have a shot at really succeeding at.  We all need this, don’t we?

My friend S_____ lost a teaching position after being set up by her co-teacher to lose her temper in class.  Doesnt it make sense to take the time to aim for a better job than that? And especially, not to lose temper in class?

I want this ‘Quantum Leap Journal’ to chronical both my personal shortcomings that obstruct getting the job I want, and the spiritual processes I employ to overcome them.

This exemplifies the meaning of Hexagram #45, Gathering Together, that I drew recently while consulting the I Ching, speaking of ‘spiritual processes.’  “Its message is not to gather people into groups, but to develop the firmness of character needed when we are in positions of leadership.” –Carol K. Anthony, A Guide to the I Ching, third edition 1988. To me this is saying its not about getting the job, but what I do after I get the job that matters; it’s a different way of thinking.  I didnt use to think that way but I’m getting there now.

I wont allow the same thing that happened last time to happen again: my co-teacher dominated the lessons by threatening to trigger my temper every time I did a move she didn’ understand.  And there was so much she didnt understand.  I discovered too late that if I let myself feel the utter fear I had of her without hiding from it and sticking my head in the sand, then prayed and prayed and prayed on it, I could actually by-pass the trigger response and not lose my temper.  My god, I sure wish I knew how to do that 25 years ago!

I can’t tell my friends that my job-hunt is going slowly because I’m allowing myself to pray, meditate, do yoga, journal, even blog, as I look for work, and most of my colleagues don’t count this as part of the job-hunting process.  But if I don’t want to work with another manipulative asshole who makes the students acquiring English impossible, I have to do it this way, in secret if necessary.

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