The Quantum Leap Journal #4; 5/2/14

05/04/2014 § Leave a comment


watercolor effect

I just typed a whole journal with the modem off, and when I published it I lost it! Gotta type it all again.

Today a busy day.  Leave house 8:00, Coffee shop at 9:30, Employment office at 10:00, therapist at 1, doctor at 3, all in different parts of the Tokyo Kanto Plain.

At the coffee shop, I spread out my box of saved business cards, looking for my old employment card.  Couldn’t find it. Did find about a dozen cards I could use as contacts for job search now.  Uplifting feeling.  Looking for work is going to be fun, after all.  I have to raise my spirits to the occasion.  Since this is my season for Quantum Leaping, raising my spirit and attention to making full use of all my contacts is already in the mix.

At Urawa Hello Work, Saitama Prefecture, Japan, I find out that I needn’t register at the prefecture of work, but the prefecture of residence.  I didn’t need to come all the way out here.  I have to go to Hello Work in Funabashi, next Thursday, when the English speaking worker comes in.  I can speak conversational Japanese, but not at this level.

I get to the therapist 2 minutes late.  I quit seeing her last time, but agreed to come in again for her to help me find a better, more appropriate therapist.  She doesn’t know anything about Children of Narcissistic Parents, I gave her a try, twice, and she doesn’t satisfy me.  She gives me her recommendation, and to my disappointment it is herself.  This is the second time she pulled this on me.

I just typed this whole conversation and lost it, and don’t feel like doing it again.  She pushes me into corners, I raise my voice, then she looks like a scared rabbit and I feel like shit.  My ex-wife used to do that. My mother does that.  Fuck you guys. She says she’ll lower the fee because the therapy center is subsidized and I’m out of work.  She says its my pattern to give up on people, and I need to contradict that pattern.  Sounds like bullshit to me, but at least she’s not doing it for the money.

I say, “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not afraid of me.”  She says she won’t, she IS afraid of me.  I said, “Look me in the eye and say, ‘I know you won’t hurt me.'”  She does. She looks me in the eye and says, “I know you won’t hurt me.”  She looks strong. I say, ” See?  You’re not really afraid of me after all!”  Fuck this shit if I have to counsel her!  But I agree to see her through May.  She told me that since I have this challenge, to find a visa sponsor in 6 weeks, I need somebody on my side walking me through this.  God knows I do.

I want to divine whether I should continue to see her or not, but I can’t find my crystal.  I need to do this soon, so either I find my crystal tonight or get a new one.

Doctor says my blood pressure is down, my blood sugar is down but my weight is up. He recommends walking, and cutting juices and any kind of pasta.  I’m already headed in that direction.

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