The Accidental Sorceress

11/30/2013 § Leave a comment

A commentator has asked me to elaborate on my reference to shamanism, so here is a writing about it. The story as described here seems quite unbelievable and fantastic as I write it, but it is in fact 100% true xcept for the name changes to protect innocent and guilty alike.

In the 1990s, I volunteered to work at a crisis clinic that trained non-professionals to assist the clinic’s psychologists.  My work buddy in the class they offered for credit was a Civil Engineer named Don, who was not quite as straight-laced as he first appeared.  We were all given buddies for a 3-month-long project to establish a counseling relationship with each other. As we sorted through how we were going to do this, he told me that he had attended a series of workshops on Core Shamanism with his wife. I was interested in this. And so he agreed to perform a shamanistic ritual to fulfill our course requirements.

Core Shamanism is a program initially developed by Michael Harner and Sandra Ingerman Harner for the Anthropology Department at MIT.  « Read the rest of this entry »

The Lost Child; Pt. 2

11/17/2013 § Leave a comment

Everything changed my life ten years ago, June 2003, on the occasion of my parents 50th wedding anniversary; my relationship with my Lost Child brother Reggie among them. Now is not the time to chronicle that catastrophe, but I must say something about it; everything that has come after it has been affected by this thing that happened.

To make a long story short — it’s not easy! — my family wanted me to come to the affair as a scapegoat with all my scapegoat baggage so they could blame me for what ever they wanted to blame me for — in public as likely as not. « Read the rest of this entry »

The Lost Child; Pt. 1

11/14/2013 § 2 Comments

I was 7 and my brother was 5. We were playing in the backyard and Mom stormed in completely pissed about something; I don’t recall what. She pulled us into the laundry room while holding a wooden mixing spoon. She bent me on her knee; my brother standing frozen beside me. Then she pulled down me britches and started whacking away. 

I remember being  surprised how little it hurt. My hide must’ve gotten tough; i wasn’t a little boy any more. She actually broke the paddle on my mighty behind. For one brief moment I thought it was done. 

She pointed at both of us and shouted, ”Don’t you go anywhere!”, her face red. We didn’t. I was sure she was going to get the really big wooden spoon, but instead she came back with a wired coat hanger. I actually thought, this isn’t going to hurt, until I felt it cut into me. I don’t actually remember her doing the ol’ Joan Crawford, but I do remember my little brother’s face; his mouth contorted, his skin slick with tears, his eyes red and swollen, wailing in fury and pain, when he got his. I’ll take that memory to the grave. « Read the rest of this entry »

Letters to my Narcissistic Mother

11/04/2013 § 18 Comments

While I was in a workshop on using smartphones, a notification suddenly came up from my Narcissistic Mother who I’ve been avoiding for two years.  At first, I thought it an error my phone frequently makes, but no, it was a video chat request from her.  I rejected the request and blocked her address from my account.

Then I went to Yahoo Mail to confirm that she hadn’t sent me a letter there.  She hadn’t. I asked her only to write to me through Yahoo through a special account I set up just for family so that they wouldn’t have access to my main address.   Yet she’s written to me by every address but the one I’ve given her.  That’s Narci for, “no recognition of other people’s boundaries.” 

So I wrote my first letter to her in two years.   My first letter since I discovered she was a Narci.  I’ve thought a lot about how to address her in the past two years.  I’m not going to disown her, I decided, but I’m not going to let her get away with any shit at all. It’ll be like riding a bucking bronco for the rest of my life.  That’s what adults do,  I guess. 

« Read the rest of this entry »

Where Am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for November, 2013 at Highly Sensitive Matters.